un-mute.com

As I sink into the squishy cushions of a cocoa-skinned sofa chair, my throat recovers from chai latte scaldings caused by the impatience of my greedy gut.

To my left, a dow-eyed Becky shimmies out a slew of nonsensical words to her eager-eared, rich-bitch counterpart. They notice the stare I don’t try to hide, but quickly return to their previous insipid ramblings.

Costumed in war hues and city dirt, I cross my legs and display a messy manicure over boyish hands. Overt femininity has never been a forte of mine, but I embrace the few specs of sex appeal I own and keep it moving.

10:51pm

A mellow jazz session is silenced by the sweepings of brooms and slidings of chairs. Size 0 jeans are pulled up against mannequin frames as my two Beckys walk their half full tummies to the door.

I bid adieu to the sweet aroma of steamed milk and evening joe.

Time to head home Mrs. Bucks, the Brooklyn air awaits me.

Depending on the particular urban eye, entertainment in 2007 was either a hard hit or a sure miss. To me, it was nothing short of a definite strike out.  Celebrities became ordinary and the ordinary became celebrities. Few showed up to Hip Hop’s funeral and the “n word” peaced out with about 5 in attendance. My guess is that there must’ve been an ill Soulja Boy concert or something. Whatever the case may be, the biz had a serious 07 meltdown that doesn’t need to spill into the New Year. With that said, here are the top 8 things we could do without in the big 08. I’m sure someone will miss them, but they gots to go! 

8. – Video Girl Memoires - Whose name is there left to moan? Why enhance the image of black women as sex objects, when you can deflect it with intelligence. Are smarts really that un-trendy?

7. – Rain – How ironic is it that when everyone and their momma was rapping about making it rain, Hip Hop was suffering its worst drought yet. Were we really that ignorant to avoid a little bit of conscious sunshine last year?

6. – Arrests – Weezy, TI, Mike Vick, Foxy, Pac Man Jones and too many etceteras rocked the trendiest set of bracelets in 2007, despite the required bail amount. Mug shots are not a good look, let’s try and keep it legal in the 08.

5. – Celebrity “Reality” Shows – This is just about everyone’s favorite guilty pleasure. But you know what happens when you eat too much junk food? You get fat! Nuff’ said.

4. – Booty Implants – Just when the girl next door thought it was her chance to shine…BOOM, chick got knocked out by her big booty rival. There’s nothing wrong with a naturally voluptuous derriere, but damn! Who wants to be there to clean up the mess when your silicone home-girl sits down and pops!?

3. – Crotch Shots – She knows who she is…and we don’t want any more.

2. – Unoriginal BET Shows – Enough is enough! I’m starting to think that ignorance and stupidity sell more than sex, which should be ludicrous thinking. Black people have worked so hard to get away from our “silly negro” image. So why is BET reinforcing it?

1. – “Crank Dat” Remixes – Batman, Soulja Girl, Lion King, Spiderman, Grandpa…no wonder there was a decline in high school test scores. The kids are trading in books for hooks and supermaning their asses off. They don’t give a damn if you ground them cause that means more time on youtube. I propose a year of time out…in the library.

I often wonder how it must have felt to give birth to Hip Hop - to watch it crawl to the mic and take its first steps on stage. To raise it from inner city basement parties to 5th avenue soirées. Damn. Who would’ve ever thought Hip Hop would be living thanks to its fair skinned consumers and dying thanks to its dark skinned producers? It saddens me to watch Hip Hop continue to be puff puff passed on to its latest set of 21st century guardians who with or without knowing feed it only the best in recycled abuse.  

Will the real parents of Hip Hop please stand up? 

Sure, many will say that Hip Hop lives within today’s current roster of so-so MCs, but it’s only so long that Hip Hop can continue to breathe within another dying body. The idea of Hip Hop as a culture is quickly being eclipsed by its growing presence as a brand, cultivated and exploited by the greed of its franchise developers (Crunk Juice anyone?). Where’s a doctor when you need one? Yeah we’ve got some, but the lyrical and musical PHDs poised to revitalize Hip Hop are placed underneath a stack of unqualified applicants skilled in producing the freshest in baked facades. 

And we love it. 

Our longstanding relationship with Hip Hop has been traded in for a glamorous affair with rap’s wam bam thank you mams ready and willing to give us the quickie of our lives. 

Can we remain faithful to Hip Hop?  

Or will we continue to get fucked by look-a-likes, moaning until it feels like something real. And all the while, Hip Hop waits. Because the money needs to be paid, and the profit needs to be gained. And not too far down the block, a 7yr old proudly hollas “superman that hoe”, but we still tell Hip Hop to hang tight. That we need to get this out of our system…just a couple more years of acting a fool and it’ll be just like the beginning – the good ‘ol days. 

Time is tickin’ and Hip Hop keeps sittin’, waiting for your return. 

But…will you return?